all over the place

frankly, it’s a mess. i feel like i’m stuck in one of those cheap fairground rides where the walls spin and the music melts the door handles and the cotton candy air stuffs your lungs. is there any point of me trying to describe this to you? maybe i just miss the click of keyboard keys and/or a sense of gratification. or maybe i’m just angsty and needy and will read this back in a couple years days and cringe.

there are a lot of crossroads and variables and possibilities and as thankful as i am for the freedom, i’m overwhelmed by the choice. things aren’t always what they seem, especially when you still haven’t taken off that pair of rose-coloured glasses (isn’t it time yet?).

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cuppa // snapshot

you smell like tea.
I know you know
I love your hugs by
the way you melt
– a marshmallow in
a blue button down.
two sugars, right?
I’ll fix you up, love,
as long as you just
stay a while.

sunlight peeks through half-open blinds, painting stripes across crumpled white bedsheets and there’s a mug of tea, that, in this short moment, is the perfect temperature. it’s always wonderful when you discover new music that seems to flow so seamlessly from your speakers right into your veins (the soft hum of violin chords and piano keys). there are no clouds in the sky. you breathe in. you feel weightless. there is a subtle glow of – what is this? hope? anyway Something is in the corner of the room, filling it with light that seems to permeate walls and thought and skin. it fills all the empty spaces. it blurs the edges and suddenly everything is smooth. soft, still, like water.

you sip your tea.

on art

art is strange in that it’s ultimately indefinable. there are endless genres and sub-genres that co-exist and interdepend on one another which is why it is so interesting to me. ‘being an artist’ initially brings up ideas of paint palettes splattered by primary colours but it’s funny how shallowly inaccurate that is. there are dancers and poets and speakers and beatboxers and gardeners and baristas and saxophonists and hairdressers and engineers….. etc etc etc. to me, art is whatever splutters out of your raw heart, no matter what form it takes.

my art has been leaning toward the more visual recently. colour and shape and composition seem to strike a chord that writing no longer does. that’s okay though; I’ve learned that these things always change so it’s best to make use of them while you can. here’s a graphic that I designed today. I’m still trying to figure out the significance behind the word itself but I like how it ended up. makes me feel happy.lucky 2.pngall the love x

epiphanies innit

you know that weird feeling you get when you finally realise something? the puzzle pieces in your brain finally click and you step back a little, astonished by the fact you’ve only just noticed the elephant standing in the corner. sometimes it’s slow, creeping up behind you, shadowing your footsteps until it fills your headspace. in other times, you feel like you just stumbled off a cliff and find yourself diving headfirst into this new strange world.

epiphanies are strange: those little eurekas that accumulate and stack up neatly in a drawer. for me, this past month has been full of them.

  1. no matter how much I refuse to ignore it, I do have a caffeine addiction.
  2. people are just people like trees are just trees and despite the irresistibility of  romanticism, sometimes you have to step back and forget about the poetry.
  3. those passing mundane conversations with strangers will brighten both your days.
  4. there are times when you need to bite the bullet and times you need to run far away.
  5. don’t worry; they don’t have a clue either.
  6. cleaning your room is never as bad as you think it is. get on with it.
  7. people change.
  8. I know a staggering amount of song lyrics. that is a good thing. losing my voice and dancing and laughing at parties with people I barely know is one of the best feelings ever.
  9. I buy too many things.
  10. regret is a terrible thing. even in the worst situations, find the silver lining. if all else fails, stop dwelling on it.

all the love x

five minute write

maybe she tastes like summer
and she is the dress you see swish
slipping away in your sun drenched dreams
and cherry lipstick blueberry eyes
she’ll tip your world downside up and
leave you spinning; she tastes like
daisies and syrupy sunlight and you
wonder how she manages to quench you yet
somehow leave an immutable feeling of
thirst.

dehydration and infatuation are deadliest in the summer

hellooooooo I wrote something again.

tie me down

i want airports with ‘arrival’ signs in every language, the sound of luggage wheels and the tuneless buzz of people.

i want the sky; i want to see all its different faces, colours, textures.

i want bumpy bus rides between the collarbones of ageless mountains and flurrying forests; a three hundred and sixty degree spectacle.

i want to feel sand between my toes; the almost silent swish of blue waves and calm sea.

i want to lie in a field of flowers with a tartan blanket and a friend.

i want late nights with a different kind of air in my lungs, different blood in my veins.

i want to be cold, fingers frozen while hiking through snow. i want to be hot, aching for the beach in a sunny place. i want to be everywhere in between. push me to the limits.

i want to be everywhere and see everything. i want to go without thinking of the endless variables that i would have to. one day, i will.

all the love x

 

 

i wrote a thing

this isn’t a poem.
this is me letting the tap run,
letting the red ink drip so
sweetly from my
love-stained fingertips.
this isn’t a poem.
this is me counting
all the times you made me smile
(they last me until the next time
i get to see your face again).
this isn’t a poem.
this is me romanticising
every atom of your body
my dear, your whole being
is a work of art.
this isn’t a poem.
this is my heart.
hello, i am sorry for not posting much recently. i think i’m too ingrained in life and that definitely isn’t a bad thing. don’t get me wrong; i will never stop writing.
all the love x

quotes i live by

i love words. i think that language is the most beautifully expressive, flexible and personal thing that humanity has come up with. isn’t it strange that an alphabet of twenty-six letters can arrange themselves in such mind-blowing ways? here are a few sayings and phrases that really resonate with me.

  1. “go big or go home” – anon. i have always been an introverted, careful, shy person and recently i’ve realised all the things i’m missing by having such qualities. this quote really inspires me to step out of my comfort zone and to not be afraid to live.
  2. “loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself”– rupi kaur. buying this goddess’ book of poetry was one of the best decisions of my life, and i recommend everyone to read it. that day, i walked to the park and read each word aloud to the empty green. this quote pretty much sums up my year, and it helped me to get to this blissful stage of self-love and contentment.
  3. “i defy you, stars!” – shakespeare, romeo and juliet. a few months ago, i watched the baz luhrmann film version of this iconic play and fell in love with it. i love the 90’s theme, the authenticity of the narrative, the actors (leo dicaprio and claire danes must be the most dazzling actors around?) and of course, the beautiful poetry that shakespeare embeds into the wonderful storyline. what can i say? i’m a huge romantic!
  4. “days collect in strange perfection”. so basically, i thought this is what hozier was singing in ‘someone new’, which is a great song, by the way. turns out, he actually says ‘only blue or black days electing strange perfections in any stranger i choose’. i love hozier’s lyrics, but my misinterpretation really stuck with me. personally, it just reflects the craziness and yet comforting absurdity of life. it reminds me to accept things as they come and go and to be grateful of the way they stack up so nicely.
  5. “you are a work of art” – anon. this one is so special to me. last summer, i was struggling with nihilism and a sense of terrible insignificance, but i managed to get through it. i realised that yes, there are 7.5 billion of us living on this tiny rock. yes, our existences mean nothing in the grand scale of time and space and black holes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love our little lives. we are allowed to plait our hair and smile at strangers; those small things still have meaning. we are all special. we are allowed to be worth something. we are allowed to have a place on this world.

i hope you all had/have a good day and that you will encounter some words that strike a chord in your heart as beautiful as these did in mine.

all the love x