today was a good day: i laughed and learned and loved.
- i talked and joked with people that i’ve never thought about speaking to, and that gives me hope. something sparks inside me when i make someone laugh, or when they smile at me across the classroom. note: people are friendly, let them be.
- i also finished a lot of coursework. motivation and determination have finally re-visited, and it feels good to see them again. i spent yesterday evening with a set of colourful pens, describing protein synthesis and how a sitar is played.
- i am finally out of that phase of hopelessness, nihilism and sadness. i am finally excited and ready for life. i am finally happy to live. a few weeks ago, i painfully remember saying to my friend: “imagine how easy it would be to not exist”. i am ashamed to have stooped so low but now my mindset has done a complete u-turn.
- my music taste has consisted of childish gambino, the weeknd and frank ocean. i’m starting to run out of new tunes (which is one of the worst feelings ever!)
- i didn’t see my ex today. i don’t know why i think that is significant enough to write about but i’m strangely empowered by that. i’ve promised myself that i will speak to him again; to tie up loose-ends and to say my thank-you’s and good-bye’s. not now, though. i think i’m too afraid.
- i had an apple at break-time.
- i saw a friend from another time today. how strange and nostalgic. i wonder if he also felt that rush of distant memories and that bittersweet reminiscence that i did.
- i have been struck by a terrible case of wanderlust (caught from my friend who keeps showing me pictures of faraway places). i am so excited to grow up and travel the world and get lost in its endlessly intricate beauty. the other day, i introduced our plan to travel over the summer to my mother, who instantly declined. i love her, and i completely understand her decision but i can’t help but feel disappointed. i’ll have to think a bit more.
so, that was today. thank you for reading.
all the love