things i’ve learnt this year

well. here we are, at the end of 2016. it’s 7:30pm on christmas day and i’m listening to ed sheeran on my new laptop, eyes tired and fuzzy insides but i’d like to write something. this year has been pretty extraordinary, to say the least.

i. i’ve loved and i’ve lost. funny, isn’t it? how wonderfully cliché first loves can be. i’ve purposefully not written about it much on here because i don’t want to dwell on it nor do i need to. i am proud of myself for not breaking too much when he left and fornot regretting a single second that chanced to happen. i loved him; past tense. i am thankful for everything and wish us both the best; future tense.

ii. i’ve pushed my boundaries and my comfort zone. i am proud of myself for learning to let go and laugh through the crazy situations i keep finding myself in. i love covering my face in glitter. i love running in the rain. i love screaming into open fields with only the cows to hear you.

iii. i’ve found myself. i’ve come to terms with everything that i am and i can’t tell you how lovely that feels. i know i’m only fifteen and can only imagine the things i will become – the amazing things i know i am capable of. i’m no longer afraid of myself.

iv. i’ve seen so many beautiful places and done so many incredible things. between homework and exams and revision, i’ve realised the importance of taking time off. it’s okay to be a bit reckless sometimes. these days, my money is spent on train tickets and coffees from faraway cafes that i’ll never see again, and i won’t have it any other way. i know it’s hard to juggle everything but you need to give yourself time to be a person.

v. my relationship with my family has improved so much. we still disagree on a few major issues, but i can understand them now. i love them.

vi. i’m finally happy. i’ve hit some of my lowest points this year and struggled through phases of nihilism and existentialism but now i am happy. i’ve realised how incredibly precious, intricate and special life is and that has helped me persevere. i am happy. firmly, truly, beautifully happy.

bring it on, 2017. i am so excited to meet you.

all the love x

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